Duck on Water

Someone once told me that I was like the proverbial duck on water- still and calm on top, feet flapping like crazy underneath. I have yet to hear a better analogy on how I try to live my life.

Remember in high school (way back in high school, I know it’s hard) when you met someone younger than you and they wanted to be just like you when they were a senior? You had it all- boyfriend, senior status, cool shoes, whatever the case may be. You would laugh and shake your head, knowing all the things about your life they wouldn’t want to emulate if they knew. Things like the barrages of homework, college prep stress, teen stress, family dynamics. The younger versions only saw the top part, the still part. They didn’t see the glacial underwater things you carried.

It took me a long time to realize my entire life story did not show on my face. And that my face, with all it’s resting bitch-ness, was okay. I didn’t have to wear a perpetual smile to move through the world. I also didn’t have to explain myself to everyone when I moved in the world. To say no thank you, but thank you for asking and move on.

I was bullied for years in school in various ways and by various people. I wasn’t in physical fights but I rarely fit in. I grew up in the military and moved every 3 years if not sooner. I didn’t “fit in” until 7th or 8th grade, when I went to a school in Germany that was on a military base. Suddenly I was surrounded by kids just like me. Some had moved more. Some had moved less. All of us lived in a constant state of flux, making friendships and relationships when we could, knowing they would last as long as we were together. We didn’t grow up together, and hadn’t known the same people in our classes our whole lives. Some of those people I still talk to, all these years later.

The best of friends take you as you are. But as a society we look for those like us, and want to change those not like us to be more like us. Differences are okay. Your above water is different than another person’s above water. And their glacier under the surface will be different than yours. A lot of us want to just show the top part of ourselves. The “made for TV” part without the drama, bills, and anxiety. The piece that everyone who sees us wants to be. We hide the underneath. But remember, ducks flip over sometimes and show that backside. And glaciers… well I don’t know if glaciers flip and roll. I doubt it, but they are devastating when they hit into something. Titanic anyone?

It’s important to show your underneath to people you can trust so it doesn’t drag you under the water. It’s meant to bolster you, your experiences and life. It shouldn’t be perfect. It should be messy. It might be hard, and your hard versus someone else’s isn’t a contest. Everyone has their own struggles.

What we should all be doing is instead of trying to make everyone just like us we should try to make the weight we all carry less scary when it comes to light. Don’t carry another’s weight if you don’t have too. Let them carry it. But make sure they don’t sink underwater.