Throwing curve balls at a perfectionist

I don’t think anyone likes to be called a perfectionist. Am I wrong? It has a negative attachment, like nothing is ever right no matter how hard you see it. Which isn’t always true. But I have the way I like things, leave them be and let me have my zen. Wait, is that perfectionism or OCD?

I have two kids, ages 5 and 3. More like 5 & 3/4 and 3 & 1/2, if we’re specific for age purposes. I’m a single mom. We have a grown dog. And today is the first day of mandatory federal quarantine, set to end next Friday. Seven days from now. Saints preserve me.

I’m sure I’m putting more drama into this situation than warranted, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult. And it means some of our routines and rules will have to change.

Like tablet time. In the morning. For my 3 year old. And yet here we are. She gets to play ABC Mouse on the family Kindle (which I bought last April when we were in quarantine for a month and a half) while I help her sister with her schoolwork. And now her sister is watching something on her iPad from the school while I do some work. And when I’m done we will take a car trip to pick up groceries and much needed coffee.

We are not a kids-with-tech house. We have movies and shows that are favorites, but the inclusion of the school iPad is new this year. Last summer I subscribed to ABC Mouse for Charlotte to play on my computer (which is also a touch screen, new computers are so fancy!) when her sister was taking a nap. But as I sat one day last year in the fall when her sister was no longer taking naps I saw the appeal. My house was quiet. Each kid had their designated device with headphones and I listened to a podcast on my phone. I see it.

I am loathe to change my schedules. There are certain parts of the day that are like Bible in our house, like bedtime is 7 at the latest. But Char has karate some nights now, and Paige’s has been going to bed right after dinner. So bedtime is now before 7 for Paige and after 7 for Charlotte on karate nights.

Being a perfectionist does not mesh with parenthood. Ever. As much as you try, you’ll lose. Single parenthood? Get out.

That doesn’t mean I don’t try. I can’t just let it go all the time. Thankfully my kids are starting to play independently. Some days they fight less. Some days are “fight club days.” And the schedule is changing again as I work in my schedules with their schedules. For a week. Saints preserve me.

Is there a lesson with this post? Probably not. But I want my solidarity to moms and dads like me known. We aren’t alone. Even though in the house of littles we feel very much alone.

And as I start to do my own work, the Kindle isn’t working fast enough for my 3 year old’s needs, so it’s time to go run errands. And get much needed coffee.